3 years sober & update

Okay…so I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted a blog. I know, shame on me right? Oi. Friends, life doesn’t stop. Everything keeps moving and lately I’m feeling so low. I’m feeling so small and shit going on lately, a relationship ending, bullshit with cops…I just it’s been a journey these past few months.

I left because they valued this shit more than me and their own life

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On the 11th of May, like every Mother’s Day, I was sober again. This time friends, it’s been three years. Does it feel different? Yeah, I guess. I still miss my vices at times, but I know that it’s nonsense and is a way to die and not live. I just choose not to be that person anymore. It gets lonely, like now, I feel so alone and lonely. I have friends and what not, but sometimes I think about the substances and how they were comforting, but I know I’m just telling myself lies. It’s like when you get out of a toxic relationship (which I’ve recently just done) you make up excuses for the relationship and you glamorize it and you highlight all the good parts. The bottom line: —————->>> Clean & sober is the only way to be.

Enough of the sad shit, right?

I just bought a new motorcycle–a 2007 Honda Shadow VT1100. She’s so pretty and is sooo much fun to ride. By the grace of God I was able to pull it off and my payments are pretty low, which is great for a starving artist like myself. (I just picked up a second job as a waiter, aside from getting tips, the best part is–they feed you!)

I went shopping!

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Meet the twins!

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Road trip to see mom!

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Made it!

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Does my balaclava make me look creepy or like a ninja or both?

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I had this for lunch today!

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Oh, & i’ve got a new fucking book out if anyone’s interested!

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White Wedding Lies, and Discontent: An American Love Story on Amazon.

Phil Volatile

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March Madness Update! >.<

Hey what’s up everyone? I know it’s been a while since my last update, but it seems that finding the time has been difficult–or maybe I’ve just been lazy. My apologies.

The Scoop: I’m still just as busy as ever with school and work, but I also picked up a 2nd job because with the hours and pay of my other job, it’s hard to get by. But, what are you gonna do? We get by.

gardenWith spring break here, again, I think I may actually get caught up with some of my homework, do some more writing, but also, work on my organic garden! Yeah, I’m going to do a garden this year, and with any luck, I can sell some of the excess to make a little money. I’m also planning to do some donations from my garden, but I’d like to arrange it with some type of a read or something that will draw people out, but they can also get some grub if they need or want to. We’ll see how that goes. None-the-less, I’m very excited about it.

Writing Update: I’m still working with the prose side of my brain, but I’m not ready to release: Village 50, The Transient,  Flash Fiction 40+1 (Volume 2), or the tentative,  My Mind’s Abyss: Aftermath, yet.  I’m still working on all of them.  I’m so blessed to have readers, and if you liked the previous crap I’ve released, I’m hoping that you’ll really enjoy the new stuff that isn’t released yet.  Jet Lag (poetry collection, 125+ new poems, 300+ pages) is finished, but I have it submitted to publishers and am waiting to hear back.  I think that it has a lot of good stuff in it, but even now I’m beginning to doubt it, as I’ve been working on White Wedding Lies (poetry, 150+ new poems), which, is nearing completion, and will weigh about 320 pages–both books done in the 6 x 9 Bukowski style. I’m so excited to be able to share them with you, but I can’t, not yet, as a lot of publishers will reject previously published work, (including online publication).

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Life: I think what I’ve said so far pretty much sums up what’s been going on. I was trying my luck at the casino and have been cleaning up a little as of late, (although still not much but when you’re a poor student trying to make it as a writer, it helps). And it’s just so…ah; I don’t know how to explain it; the thrill, adrenaline, it’s just…living.

I made a new friend–Raegan Butcher (google him if you haven’t heard of him). I’m fortunate to be able to befriend such a great person and writer in my lifetime. Raegan will be releasing some new stuff in the nearby future so be sure to stay tuned if you want to be a part of it. You can view a FREE pdf of his first publication, Stone Hotel (poetry) at: http://crimethinc.com/books/sh.html And if you’d like to follow him on twitter: @RaeganButcher, or Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/154789.Raegan_Butcher

Stay warm. Stay in love.

Much Love <3,

Volatalistic Phil

Oi!

It’s been a while, I think, since my last scribbling, writing, screaming into an empty space…since I’ve last written a blog entry. Anyhow… so what’s been going on? Okay…

grad2Well, I had a graduation walk for an Associates degree a couple of weeks back…which made me feel like an asshole for walking for a half-degree. I mainly did it for the folks because they wanted to see it, otherwise, I wouldn’t have. The saddest story not told that day was the one about how my graduation cap read: “Made in El Salvador”, which, made me feel even worse.

Keep reading!

Writing: I’m still chugging right along, still writing and writing. I’m still submitting pieces of mine to various presses and so far have gratefully collected two rejection letters! Hooray! It does make me wonder though, if I should even bother with that, or just continue with self-publishing. I just feel that if fortunate enough to get on-board with a publishing house that it would greatly increase my chances of being read, but in all honesty, that doesn’t necessarily hold true. I guess it’s something I’ll have to continue exploring.

Jet Lag, a book that has been almost 9 months in the making… aww, I guess whoever said it (because it escapes me for the moment) –books are the children of men; Jet Lag is almost finished! I have a few more edits to make…but I’ll also be submitting that to various publishing houses as well. The process could be faster but I’ve been working on other writing projects, such as a book of Haikus, Paperweights, and another collection of poems tentatively being called White Wedding Lies. I’m sooooo aching and wanting to share some of these poems with you fine people, but I can’t! It makes things more complicated if I start publishing certain pieces from my collections (yes, they consider even publishing a poem on a blog as the item being published, which some houses will reject and others will accept but I’ll have to make note of it–and if I kept doing that, before long it’d all be published–that’s called the slippery slope argument for any pre-law or philosophy students =P)
This isn’t the official cover or title of the book, but I wanted to show you (my readers) something!

Over 300 pages! (Bukowski taught me how)

        JL

How it looks with the others!

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Inside

insideIf you’re reading this, I hope I’m not dead. But if I am, then my life must have been a lot of fun, for me to write books to entertain you even after I’m gone. In whatever you do in this life, or the next one, just remember to carry on—carry on like the lullaby song.

-Volatalistic Phil

Keep reading!

I’m also still working on: The Transient (novel), Village 50 (novella), Mind Butter (spontaneous prose), Flash Fiction 40+1 (Volume 2) (flash fiction short stories), and three other TENTATIVE titles, My Mind’s Abyss: Aftermath (novel), and The Art of Dying (novel), Project Cure (novella). I can’t promise a delivery date on any of these, but I’m still writing even though I haven’t been publishing much lately.

My newest self-published title is: Mr. Harry Blight, a paranormal horror twisting short story of 6500 words–and it’ll be free from 12/22/12-12/26/12  so, if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, you can celebrate by picking up a FREE eBook copy from Amazon! If you like the story, please tell me so in a review! If you hate it, please tell me so in a review!

Health: Health-wise I’m doing great! I joined a gym and have been going six days a week! I’ve noticed great results and am having a blast! Since June I’ve lost 10 inches off of my waist, two shirt sizes, and 45 pounds! But I’m headed to the gym now, so I’ll have to post more about what’s been going on in my life, at a later time, because this post is already big enough. Anyhow, laugh at the short YouTube clip below, and be safe, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year, and so on.

Much Love <3,

Volatalistic Phil

Friday the 12th

What’s up everyone? I felt like checking in again, although I’m not sure what else I’ll have to say at the moment. Okay, so I’ve at least showered, although I haven’t eaten breakfast or had my work-out yet, I plan to! It just feels like a good day, one of those days, those curious Fridays, where anymore, if it’s payday (or Mother’s Day, because you have to pay your bills so you end up paying this mother f… that mother…) people have a little more unf in their step, a skip in their walk–and then you think, hey, why’s that guy so happy? Didn’t anyone ever tell him he looked too happy? I guess s/he’s happy because it’s a Friday. Today, however, is my Monday, because my Mondays are my Fridays.

I found a 1909 penny today. I looked up it’s value online and found out that it could be worth roughly $5.00. And I just thought my God…imagine? If that little coin can accrue some type of a value, although not much but in comparison to it’s 1 cent value, then why can’t people? It got me to thinking about various people I’ve met and even some co-workers. How much are those people worth? How much are you worth? At any rate I wouldn’t know how to determine a value, so I think it’s true when I say that everyone is priceless.

Author, Lois Lowry, is going to be in Albuquerque today from 6 pm -7 pm at #UNM in #Albuquerque and I’m disappointed that I can’t go–I’ll be at work. I found out about it too late and I don’t want to call in. Oi, sometimes having a job, or maybe it’s the responsibility–I’d like to flow.

Anyhow, I’d better jet. I have to air up this body ball, exercise big red ball thingy that I bought yesterday. I’m excited to use it! Be well everyone.

Much Love,

Volatalistic Phil

This is how it goes

The Usual Oi!: Hello everyone! I figured I’d stop by for a quick hello, hello, hi, hi. So what’s going on in my Volatalistic world… well… I got a regular job, though I think I mentioned that before–yeah, I succumbed to working a ‘real’ job. It’s not entirely bad, and at the end of the day they’re chill with me, they treat me fair, and they are incredibly accommodating with my school schedule–and to top it off–they were the only company calling me back for a job. So, I’m happy to report that my recently obtained Associate of Applied Science degree got me a minimum wage job =). And I’m grateful for it. I’m enjoying interacting with more people.

I’ve just been cranking away at school, but only three classes this term, because with writing, a small social life, and working, I didn’t want to overdo things (even though I can appreciate the excess).

I’ve recently started playing my guitars again and it feels great. It’s away to expand my creative energy, but also find some peace.


Health-wise:
I’m still in a better place, a much better place than where I was in April after seeing that photograph of me in a newspaper interview. Seeing that photograph was part of a jolt that I needed to get me back into the world where I live and a little less time in the world where I exist. The other jolt I needed was a muse back in June, whom I’m thankful for. (And more recently a friend who moved back into town). I’ve lost 40lbs and 8 inches off of my waist since June, and am still going strong. It was a rut I was in since November of 2011 when my grandmother passed away. I’m grateful to be in a better place now. I’m getting back to the weight and shape I was before (before I gained the 45-50lbs), and plan to keep losing more by staying on track. It’s amazing how deep you can go into your mind and become so absorbed and so lost. I’m still sober and clean, although I almost relapsed back in June when I couldn’t score any painkillers. October 12th will be 1 year and 5 months clean and sober.

Writing: I’m still busy cranking away. I’m almost finished with my newest novel, The Transient, though, again, I’m not sure when I’ll release it, as I have plans to shop it around to publishing houses. I’d love to keep cranking out all my items on the self-publishing format, and I’m grateful to have that invaluable resource at my fingertips, but for me, aside from you wonderful few who’ve made your presence known, it hasn’t helped me to gain an audience. I know that’s how it goes, and as Bukowski said, everyone starts off unknown. I just feel that if fortunate enough to get on-board with a publishing house that I’ll have a greater chance of growing and expanding an audience. But hell, who knows, I could be chasing my own tail. I’m still having fun.

Thank you to everyone (USA, UK, and Germany) who took advantage of my free promotion giveaway for my newest twisting horror paranormal short story–Mr. Harry Blight. And a very special shout out to my friend Heather, who’s mentioned in the dedication, for being my reader ever since my first novel, My Mind’s Abyss, (making it almost a year now).

 

Anyhow, I’m gonna jet.

Much Love,

Volatalistic Phil