Summer Dress

Summer Dress

 

Sitting across the patio

is a seedless sunflower

wearing a thin summer dress

Her nectar is so sweet that

all the bees stare, hoping

for a chance to pollinate

 

I’d fly over beside her,

and lifting her skirt,

I’d spread her petals and

force I’d exert

 

But once done, I’d

smell my fingers and

walk away, and she’d

mean nothing to me,

and I’d still feel

alone, and

sterile

 

© Volatalistic Phil 2013, Crushed Black Velvet

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My Mirror

My Mirror

 

There’s a gnat flying

around in the depths of

my stomach, trying

hard not to be shit

out the other side,

and his wings

are fueled by

hopes and dreams

 

And all the rejections

and heartaches and

emotional pains I’ve

had to swallow,

comes down like a

hail storm of broken

glass for the only

part of me left that

still feels like it’s flying

 

But I can’t stop

chewing on my mirror

because it tastes like

nothing I’ve ever had

before, and it keeps me

going back for seconds

 

© Copyright Volatalistic Phil 2013, Crushed Black Velvet

3 years sober & update

Okay…so I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted a blog. I know, shame on me right? Oi. Friends, life doesn’t stop. Everything keeps moving and lately I’m feeling so low. I’m feeling so small and shit going on lately, a relationship ending, bullshit with cops…I just it’s been a journey these past few months.

I left because they valued this shit more than me and their own life

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On the 11th of May, like every Mother’s Day, I was sober again. This time friends, it’s been three years. Does it feel different? Yeah, I guess. I still miss my vices at times, but I know that it’s nonsense and is a way to die and not live. I just choose not to be that person anymore. It gets lonely, like now, I feel so alone and lonely. I have friends and what not, but sometimes I think about the substances and how they were comforting, but I know I’m just telling myself lies. It’s like when you get out of a toxic relationship (which I’ve recently just done) you make up excuses for the relationship and you glamorize it and you highlight all the good parts. The bottom line: —————->>> Clean & sober is the only way to be.

Enough of the sad shit, right?

I just bought a new motorcycle–a 2007 Honda Shadow VT1100. She’s so pretty and is sooo much fun to ride. By the grace of God I was able to pull it off and my payments are pretty low, which is great for a starving artist like myself. (I just picked up a second job as a waiter, aside from getting tips, the best part is–they feed you!)

I went shopping!

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Meet the twins!

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Road trip to see mom!

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Made it!

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Does my balaclava make me look creepy or like a ninja or both?

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I had this for lunch today!

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Oh, & i’ve got a new fucking book out if anyone’s interested!

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White Wedding Lies, and Discontent: An American Love Story on Amazon.

Phil Volatile

Pawn Shop Towns

Pawn Shop Towns

Children are overdosing
on heroin and they’re
not much older than 14
The parents hit the street
panhandling for money
to bury their deceased

And after one look at them,
you realize that poor child
never even had a chance, and
you start to wonder if it’s
all just a big hoax

You never saw a pawn shop
town with so many tattoo parlors,
liquor stores, churches, bars,
and police stations—on the
same damn street

But there’s a million of these
towns that are like factories,
breeding hate and fear that only
the fortunate will never meet

And these zoomed up
kids die like saints, for
someone else’s
dollar

© 2012 Volatalistic Phil  White Wedding Lies, and Discontent: An American Love Story