Volatalistic’s Hospital Visit

Photo is from hsc.unm.edu UNM Children's Hospital (photo credit - David Groth)

Valentines Day. Love is in the air. Swans are swooning, geese are giggling, foxes are frolicking, mice are mingling, couples are tousling–you get the idea. It comes once a year, whether you’re for or against it, the fact is that Valentine’s Day is here. (“Rawr, let me stomp on your ant hill. It is a made-up holiday to…” …blah blah blah. Personally, I’m so glad that we have an excuse to let people know that we love them! But whatever your stance is, it is your stance and I respect that.) Maybe some of you have special people to share the day with that involves special events or special ways in which you celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had a set routine, though I haven’t been very fortunate to have a significant other on Valentine’s Day, much less for my birthday that is on February 20th; though last year I did celebrate with a friend at Olive Garden with plenty of good food and plenty of wine. This year I decided that my ‘date’ would be to go and pay a visit to the UNM Children’s Hospital, oh, and to visit the library to avoid any late fees and then swinging by Subway to pick up a sandwich. I have to say that this Valentine’s Day was the best that I can remember, aside from last year’s. It felt amazing to be able to take candies and cards to those kids. It was amazing to let them know that there are people rooting for them and that they aren’t forgotten, and that they too, are loved on Valentine’s Day.

As Nick Christian once said in a newspaper interview about me, in an article named “Traveling into the Abyss” November 2011, CNM Chronicle; “The Process of Volatalistic Phil.” I will now present to you the “Process of Volatalistic Phil” for Valentine’s Day.

Step 1: Get your Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp Willy Wonka on

Start throwing odd amounts of candy into a basket. Search for bags for packaging. Dump more candy in the basket. Pick up some ramen while you’re there, too. Launch more candy into the basket from the other end of the aisle.

Step 2: Pick out the most coolest Valentine’s Day cards ever!

Choose the coolest cards you can find! I think I did pretty well, though I didn’t find any Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cards; oh, and a friend of mine, Heather, pointed out that there were no Hello Kitty cards either! But aside from that, I think I chose some pretty rad cards.

Step 3: Pay for the items

Pay for the items and take them home. Do nothing with them for three days, though you know that you have to put together a bunch of bags and with your school schedule and The Walking Dead coming back on the air, you won’t have that much time to get it done. Ignore that logic, but not the critical thinking philosophy class homework that you should be working on, even now.

Step 4: Wake up super early on Valentine’s Day

Get up super early at 8 AM to start assembling the bags, but blow it off and sleep until 9:30. Start putting together the bags and start feeling like Kazaam. Listen to Katy Perry while you assemble the bags.

Step 5: Run out of candy halfway through

After running out of candy after about 70 bags, return to the store to purchase more candy. Most of the Valentine’s Day selection of candy is now gone. It’s almost 12 in the afternoon and you’re only halfway done. Start panicking and launching more candy into your cart. Get stuck in line behind someone buying a bunch of cat food.

Step 6: Finish

After finishing up with the bags, take a moment to admire them and straighten your neck.

Step 7: Deliver them to the hospital

Spend 15 minutes trying to find a place to park in the parking garage. Wish that you brought the car instead of the truck because you’re feeling claustrophobic and those aisle are small. Get lost a few times in the hospital until you finally find out where you have to go. Be happy and embrace life. Feel good about yourself. Remind yourself that everyone can help make a difference. Tell yourself that though it isn’t much, that you hope that it will bring some people some joy. Go home and write about it, not to brag, but to encourage and remind others that this is our world and that we can make a difference in it, be it even one person at a time.

“Truly, the better a person you are, or become, the harder life becomes. No longer are you omnipotent, but are made flaccid. You are exposed to the horrors of the world. I decree that it is harder to live than to die, but sacred are the few whom have chosen to live. The uneducated man possesses the aptitude to destroy his surroundings. It isn’t until you are educated in both realms that you stop living for yourself. We must wear the hearts of our opponents on our sleeves in order to be worthy of the pride we wear on our shoulders. Victories against other flesh are only victories when not worn as trophies. Always remember—the futility of man is only surpassed by its greatness.”

― Volatalistic Phil, My Mind’s Abyss



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