Summer Dress

Summer Dress

 

Sitting across the patio

is a seedless sunflower

wearing a thin summer dress

Her nectar is so sweet that

all the bees stare, hoping

for a chance to pollinate

 

I’d fly over beside her,

and lifting her skirt,

I’d spread her petals and

force I’d exert

 

But once done, I’d

smell my fingers and

walk away, and she’d

mean nothing to me,

and I’d still feel

alone, and

sterile

 

© Volatalistic Phil 2013, Crushed Black Velvet

My Mirror

My Mirror

 

There’s a gnat flying

around in the depths of

my stomach, trying

hard not to be shit

out the other side,

and his wings

are fueled by

hopes and dreams

 

And all the rejections

and heartaches and

emotional pains I’ve

had to swallow,

comes down like a

hail storm of broken

glass for the only

part of me left that

still feels like it’s flying

 

But I can’t stop

chewing on my mirror

because it tastes like

nothing I’ve ever had

before, and it keeps me

going back for seconds

 

© Copyright Volatalistic Phil 2013, Crushed Black Velvet

3 years sober & update

Okay…so I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted a blog. I know, shame on me right? Oi. Friends, life doesn’t stop. Everything keeps moving and lately I’m feeling so low. I’m feeling so small and shit going on lately, a relationship ending, bullshit with cops…I just it’s been a journey these past few months.

I left because they valued this shit more than me and their own life

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On the 11th of May, like every Mother’s Day, I was sober again. This time friends, it’s been three years. Does it feel different? Yeah, I guess. I still miss my vices at times, but I know that it’s nonsense and is a way to die and not live. I just choose not to be that person anymore. It gets lonely, like now, I feel so alone and lonely. I have friends and what not, but sometimes I think about the substances and how they were comforting, but I know I’m just telling myself lies. It’s like when you get out of a toxic relationship (which I’ve recently just done) you make up excuses for the relationship and you glamorize it and you highlight all the good parts. The bottom line: —————->>> Clean & sober is the only way to be.

Enough of the sad shit, right?

I just bought a new motorcycle–a 2007 Honda Shadow VT1100. She’s so pretty and is sooo much fun to ride. By the grace of God I was able to pull it off and my payments are pretty low, which is great for a starving artist like myself. (I just picked up a second job as a waiter, aside from getting tips, the best part is–they feed you!)

I went shopping!

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Meet the twins!

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Road trip to see mom!

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Made it!

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Does my balaclava make me look creepy or like a ninja or both?

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I had this for lunch today!

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Oh, & i’ve got a new fucking book out if anyone’s interested!

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White Wedding Lies, and Discontent: An American Love Story on Amazon.

<3

Phil Volatile

My Mind’s Abyss (Suicide Edition) Free on Kindle!

mmase_coverHey everyone in preparation for the sequel that’s soon to be released, and as a Thanksgiving / early Christmas gift, My Mind’s Abyss (Suicide Edition) is FREE on Amazon #Kindle from 11/22/13 until 11/26/13. You don’t need a kindle to download it–just the #Amazon Kindle app!

This is HUGE for me right now and I NEED YOUR SUPPORT! Tell you friends! Tell your mom and dad! Tell people on your Facebook, your Twitter, your Google+, Pinterest and etc!

Here’s what to do:

1.) Go to: http://www.amazon.com/Minds-Abyss-Suicide-Book-Recovery-ebook/dp/B00EY363QO/ and download a copy of it!

2.) Tell your friends!

3.) Read it!

This is an international freebie! This means that the fine people of: the United States, #Canada, #Germany, #Italy, #India, #Spain, #France, the United Kingdom, #Mexico, #Japan, #Brazil, and #Australia can go to their respective Amazon website and download a copy free of charge!

If you don’t spread the word, Godzilla might kick your ass.

Godzilla

Much <3,

-Phil Volatile